The dictionary defines desperation as: the state of being desperate or of having the recklessness of despair. Lately that has been my state of mind. As some of you may have noticed in some of my blogs. My desperation centered around 2 sources one was someone I had a lot of love and respect for who walked out of my life. She meant very much to me as she was the first person to ever comment on one of my blogs. That made her special in my eyes. She was a very good friend while it lasted. To tell you the truth I am not even sure why she took it to this level she deleted and me from her friends lists and put me on ignore. The reason I am having trouble understanding why she did this is I apologized for what I said to here that started it all, but apparently she did not accept it. I called her and she hung up on me. A short time later I discovered she had put me on ignore in the game rooms. I was so desperate to keep her as a friend I was trying to think what else I could do. I even thought of writing her a letter by real mail, but I have doubts she would even read it. One can not control another persons thoughts or actions. I spent a lot of time crying about the loss, but I can not fix it alone. She has shut me out so I can not even really try anymore. I may still get sad about it when I look at some of the things she has given me over the years. Each one is a reminder of the friendship I thought we had. I do not understand why she shut me out like this. I apologized. I guess I am just different. If someone hurts me and they say sorry I will forgive them. That is something good I took out of the relationship with the first man I ever loved. Although the relationship with him ended badly I did mange to salvage 2 good things from it. The ability to forgive. Before I met him I never forgave someone that hurt me. Maybe that is what is going on with this friend maybe she never learned how to forgive. The other good thing I took from the relationship with my ex was a beautiful rainbow moonstone pendent. It was the most beautiful necklace I had at the time. My ex and I put each other through hell at the end of out relationship, but before he died we made peace and were friends again. It is a testament to what can be accomplished when both sides are willing to allow it to happen. It took 6 months to get from ready to kill each other to friends again, but even in the worst of it we never shut each other out. Communication is the key to problem solving.
The other thing that has been making me desperate is the pain I have been in for over a year. It started in my hands and at some points is bad enough I could not sleep. Nothing was working to help it. Then about 3 months ago I started having major pain between my neck and my elbow on my left arm. After seeing 4 doctors about it one finally gave me some good advice. He said it is tendonitis of the bicep and told me to ice it. That helps some, but the pain never goes away completely and my arm is getting weaker because it hurts to move it. This constant pain is effecting my moods and hindering my ability to get the house ready for the upcoming inspection the landlord is planning. The thought of him inspecting with so much that needs done around here is depressing to me. I have not even got the winter drapes changed out for the summer ones yet, because of the pain. There are days I just sit and cry. It is a hopeless feeling sometimes. I keep telling myself things will get better, but I have seen no signs of it yet.
jane_and.the_dragon
joined:
Worry about your character, not your reputation. Your character is who you are, your reputation is who people think you are.
ht
Last game
