joined: 2014-10-26
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Points needed: 116
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Things looking up.

Got my eyes checked yesterday, and i got 20/20 in one eye and 20/30 in the other eye.  Not bad for someone in their 60's.   The eye doctor said my eyes are better then his and e is 12 years younger, so it is not all bad with my healthn0.gif?v=122 .   Maybe that is a sign that the other issues will clear, and the other issue will clear so i can use my good sight for years to follow. n0.gif?v=122  After all the bad news I will take any good news that I can get it.

What a waste of time

     I went for the tee today and the thrombosis is still there.   That is not even the worst part of my day.  Even though I made it clear to the doctor when I saw him at his office, I did not want a pacemaker, apparently he had planned to do it anyhow if the thrombosis was still there.    I told him in his office I did not want that, and I told everyone who would listen at the hospital I did not want that.  By the time the doctor came in to talk to me they had told him I was refusing a pacemaker, and he was annoyed I had changed his plans.   Call me paranoid, but I have never one time seen the image they get from the tees nor has anyone explained to me if it is changing or not.   How am I to know he is not just pushing for the pacemaker so I will have to go see him more and he will make more money?     
    When I said to him do you not remember me telling you in your office I did not want a pacemaker. He said he did not remember my last visit to his office just a couple weeks ago, but amazingly when I questioned more why he was wanting to do this, he said he had explained this to me at the office.  Now how in the world did he remember that and he did not remember what I said when I was there?
     When they discharged me they did not give me any instructions about follow ups with any of my doctors.   All they did was up the warfarin and put me back on a smaller dose of a medicine that I had already had problems with.  
     I am so depressed right now .  I am getting to the point where I want to just give up .  I do not see me ever being happy again if I am forced to have a pacemaker I do not want and do not think I need.
OOOOOOOOOOO and get this they said today that the blood thinners do not de solve the clots.  That it is up to my body to reabsorb it.   If that is true why am I on the blood thinners anyhow?
     I really do not know what I am going to do, I just know I am really depressed now.

Monday is the day

     I just got the call last night everything is set for Monday.  They will be doing the third TEE test and if at last the clot has adsorbed they will finally do the ablation for my a fib.   I am really getting scared. The nurse said yesterday if the clot has not cleared the doctor is going to put in a pace maker.  I do not want that, and everything I have found about pace makers and afib say a pace maker is to make your heart beat faster if your rate is too slow.  That is not my problem. I also have atrial flutter and my heart beats too fast most times.  To put a pace make in they would have to destroy the connection between my natural biological pacemaker and then insert a mechanical one.  That would mean I would be dependent on the mechanical pacemaker to keep my heart beating, so basically if it malfunctions I am dead.   I would rather take my chances with the pacemaker that was built into my system when I was created then count on a mechanical device.   I really do not like things that my body did not come with put into it.
     The nurse at my doctors office is very frustrating.  In one sentence she says if the clot did not clear he is going to put in a pacemaker and in the next sentence she says he told her he would be really surprised if it did not reabsorb.  My emotions are every where. Every time I go and the clot is still there it makes it harder to be optimistic that it will ever clear, and I will ever have a normal life again.      
     I really hope this works this time.  I would really love to be in better shape by Christmas.

Little Update

     I was to the doctor yesterday.  He said he feels pretty confident that the blood thrombosis will reabsorb.  He told me a clot is a solid grey bass on the scan and what i have is a swirl.  I asked so what does that mea?  He said it is not solid, and he feels it will reabsorb.   they are going to check it again with a tee at the end of September. Wish me luck.n0.gif?v=122  At least now I have a little more optimism now.

Depresson sets in.

   Aug 4, 2020 I just got home from a 5 day stay in the hospital.   I had the tee test, and the blood clot is still theren1.gif?v=122 as a result they not only canceled the ablation, but also admitted me into the hospital for 5 days.   They changed the blood thinner, and apparently the one they are trying now requires very much monitoring.   I feel like a pin cession. I had to have blood drawn every 6 hours while I was in the hospital,  and will need it done weekly for the next 6 weeks.   At the end of the 6 weeks they will again do a tee to see if the clot is gone. If it is not the doctor would like to ablate another part of my heart and put in an artificial pace maker.  I do not want that.  The doctors all say my heart is strong and I am really do not want to make it weaker .  If they do this different ablation to put the pace maker in the top of my heart will still be shaking redound wildly around.  How can that be better?  
     Many have said they are praying for me, but I am starting to wonder if God is listening.   Each time it fails makes it harder to be hopeful the next time, and i feel like I am running out of options.   Either I do nothing and ware my heart out, or if I can not get an ablation done I may end up having yet another mechanical thing inside my body. I hate that though.   So here we go another 6 weeks of waiting and possible disappointment