orange_sadona

     They took the staples out today.  It did not hurt at all, but now there is a little fold in my skin where they used to be.  I am hoping it will flatten back out in time.  If not I may have to talk to them about it I do not like the idea of having a fold in my chest skin.  I was showing my neighbor. She said it looked like I could put a coin in it. She is not wrong. lol I will just wait and see if it flattens out or not.  At least I am not as depressed as I was.  We ran into a detour on the way to the doctor. My brother said it was a slum area. It was down near a steel mill. * shrugh  I got to see the coke piled up waiting to bu used to make steel. I had never seen it before so the trip was not a total loss.  I hate brides, but I got to thinking it may be fun to watch the tug boats pushing the barges around for a little while.

     I just had a thought.  I still got these staples in my chest for about another week , and that recorder in my chest for who knows how long.  I wonder if I will set off mettle detectors with them lol.

     Before they mentioned the ablation to me they had me set up to cardioversion 2 times and both times I went back into normal rhythm at the exact same hour of the night before, and they canceled it both times.   Turns out it may have been a good thing they did.  If they had shocked my heart back int rhythm it could have knocked the clot I did not even know I had loose and it may have caused a stroke.   I did not know I had a clot forming, but God did and prevented the shock to my heart that could have ended up killing me when the clot broke free.  So I am going to take a step back and a breath and trust that in time he will guide me onto the right path and I will be healed.

     I am home, and I feel worse then I did when I went to the hospital this morning at 4:30 am. After many attempts at trying to get an iv in before they actually got one in, And after all the prep for the procedural, they did not do the ablation.   Apparently when they did the test where they look down your throat to check the heart for blood clots, they found one and aborted the ablation.   They did in fact implant the loop monitor which I never really wanted in the first place. Only reason I agreed to it was it was supposed to give them more insight as to if the ablation worked.  News Flash It never happened so NO it did not work, and I could have old them that without the sore throat from the tube down my throat and the sore chest from the implanted loop.   They changed 2 of my meds, and I am to follow up in the office in 2 weeks with the doctor that was to do the ablation.
     I went there all hopeful for to get my life back and now I am really depressed.  People say think positive, so I did, and I was disappointed.  All the prayers and good wishes people said they were sending my way did nothing to make it all work out alright .   Id I had went into this thinking the worst would happen at least now I could be happy I did not die on the table instead of crying all day because it did not work.   If they decide to schedule another attempt at the actual ablation in the future, it will be harder to think positive again. I do not want to set myself up for another disappointment.  I wonder if I were to lock myself inside my house do I did not have to see happier, healthier people if it would help me get over the depression I am feeling right now.

     Here it is 2 am and I have to be at the hospital at 5:30.  It is too hot to sleep here tonight,and I got an hr drive to the hospital. Wish I could sleep.