jane_and.the_dragon

 
registro: 15/04/2014
Worry about your character, not your reputation. Your character is who you are, your reputation is who people think you are. ht
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LET'S SEE IF IT TAKES NOW

     THIS IS THE BLOG I COULD NOT POST BEFORE THE ORIGINAL TITLE WAS LOST MESSAGES.  

  I  heard this story one time of the space traveler who went on a long space mission it was to take him many to another galaxy so he was put in a type of sleep till he got there.   When he got there the ship was set to awaken him so he could do research on the planet he landed on and send the info back to his home planet.   A month later when he finished his mission he got back into the craft to return home.   He thought he would return home a hero.   Again he entered the sleep state for the long trip home.   When he finally arrived home he found everyone on his planet had been dead for a long time.   A large asteroid had struck the planet a short time after he left and had caused the sun to be blocked out for a long time.   All human life died and in time the cloud of dust settled and the planet and the air began to clear.  The traveler realized all that time he spent traveling in space, all the research he had done on the distant planet, all the information he had sent back was all for nothing.   There was not one there to receive the information he was sending home.   He was so lonely and sad, but not for the loss of all the people on the planet, because all his family and friends would have been gone before he got back anyhow.   He knew that when he left.   He was sad because there was not one there to give him the hero's welcome home he felt was owed to him.   He did not mourn the loss of all human on his planet he mourned the loss of his hero's welcome and the statue of himself he thought he would surely get when he came home.
     Here lately I have been feeling kinda like that.   I have been doing a lot of crying lately about things I lost lately.  I should not cry for those who died like my grandpa used to say when a baby is born you should cry then cause their troubles are just starting and when someone dies you should laugh cause their troubles are over.   In the past year my family has had 6 deaths the most recent just yesterday.   You add to that the fact my nephews cancer is back  and someone I once called a god friend turned her back on me without telling me why you will see I have plenty of reason to cry.   BUT am I do not cry because those that died will not see another sun rise or sunset, because most of them were in a lot of pain at the end.   I cry because I miss them, and I mass my friend.  I miss the times we spent window shopping on the net or talking about our art projects.  
     I consider myself a fixer.   If I find relationships that are falling apart I try to fix them.   The problem is I can not fix my own.    I have tried to fix it but it is no use .   Nothing i did helped and I got no where.   I am beginning to think maybe it is time to take all those things that brought me such joy when we were friends and put them in a box and hide it away till I forget who got them for me.   Every where I look there is something to remind me of my lost friend,  the orange pillow on my bed, the petrified wood on and little teddy bear boy on my desk, all the jewelry in my jewelry box, the little Christmas decorated with love in my shed..   Every time I see these things I cry at the loss.   I have tried hard to make myself believe that maybe I was wrong and she did not care as much as I thought she did, but all these trinkets and keep sakes  she sent me say you were not wrong.   So I am torn between what was and what is and hoping for what could be again.
     IF THIS BLOG SEEMED TO JUMP AROUND ALL OVER THE PLACE WELCOME TO MY WORLD THAT IS HOW MY BRAIN HAS BEEN ACTING LATELY.