joined: 2014-04-15
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21 days ago


Have you ever had a friend that got mad if you were friends with someone you did not like. Your friend may take and I do not want to be friends with you if you are friends with them.
In my mind that is very childish. Little kids say things like that. I have Never allowed anyone to choose my friends for me, and never will. Yes sometimes I have gotten hurt trusting or liking the same person, but other times I have seen something good and trustworthy in people I have been told not to trust.
I have a friend who lied to me for years. I have recently found out the truth, and it is not good. But I still will not turn my back on him, even though NEARLY everything he has ever said about himself was a lie. The reasons I will not walk away are: First he never walked away from me even when his friends wanted him to. Second he was there with a light and lead me out of the deepest emotional hole I have ever been in. He showed me there are people that do care. I changed my whole outlook on life, because of one simple thing he did. If I had listened to others who told me he was no good and a liar ( which he was big time) I may never have gotten out of the hole I found myself in. All that would have been left would have been to close the grave, but my friend reached down into that dark hole and lifted me out with one small act that changed everything.
This is why if someone says do not be friends with that person you should tell them you will decide for yourself if the other person is worth being friends with or not, and they do not get to tell you who to have as friends, so they should GROW UP and stop acting like a 4 year old.


I just came to the realization I am a bit self centered. I was invited to a child's birthday party today. It is at an arcade, and I have spent the past 2 hrs wondering if the outfit I picked out is ok for the event. THEN IT HIT ME! It does not matter a bit what I have on long as it is clean and not ripped up ( although if it did have holes in it they may think I am in style, because a lot of kids still are into that ripped jeans thing lol). What I have on is of no concern as it is not my birthday or my party. All the attention should be on the birthday girl and probably the games as it is at an arcade lol. It is weird it took me so long to realize , it is not about me, so what I put on has no importance. I have realized what some of my friends have said about me in the past is true. Some have told me I tend to make things about me. It should not have taken me so long to realize it was true. I should have gotten the message when more then one of my friends said it. You know what they say about not being able to teach an old dog new tricks? Well apparently it is hard to teach an old woman new ideas too. :) , but the fact I am seeing it shows I am not totally lost .


Summer is both a blessing and a curse depending on your point of view. A couple weeks ago I was helping out at an event that was being ran by a church group. They had food and clothing to give away to those who needed it. The event lasted 8 hours, and most of the day was very overcast. I did not think I would need any sunscreen, because the sky was overcast. Boy was i wrong! I got my face really bad sunburned. It was a blessing we had a nice day for the event, but it was not so nice I got burned.
I have a procedure I have been putting off for nearly a year, because of the covid. I had planned to get it taken care of this summer, but it is not looking like that will happen any time soon. One of my realities that had volunteered to take me to get it done, now has a problem closer to her home. Her only daughter had a baby, and it was not good for either of them, So my niece who said she would take me has instead needed to focuse on her daughter and the baby. That leaves her out as far as taking me for these appointments.
My brother and his wife that I was looking forward to spending some time with this summer, have a month long trip planned for July, so that takes a month out of time i could have spent with them. I would not try to stop them from taking this trip even if I could. My sister-in-law has had a really bad year and this time away should help her recharge her mental state, but I will miss them.
School will be out soon. I love the sounds of children playing. The problem is about half way through the summer they will get bored and starting making mischief to entertain themselves. I love watching children playing when they are behaving themselves. When they start acting up I start wishing for cooler weather and for them to go back to school. In cold weather very few go outside to play. So it is all in how you look at it if you see summer as a blessing or a curse.


I have a tenancy to put people I respect and admire on a high pedestal, because I look up to them so much for things they have done either for me or for others. I look up to them when they are honest and trustworthy, when they are caring and helpful. I look up to them when they will stand up for people that are being bullied by others.
There are some people that have a way of making you think you are special just because they add you to their friends list, like it is some special honor to be accepted by them. I am very easily convinced by people I respect that it is a special honor to be counted as their friend. It feels so good to have someone think you are worthy of their attention. Problem is those we put up on those pedestals sometimes fall off and come crashing to the ground. It is devastating when someone you thought was your friend not only takes you off their friend list, but joins those who try to pick away at your self esteem. It is kind of like they feel they helped build you up so they have every right to tare you back down.
I found this quote that I love : " YOU DIDN'T LOSE A FRIEND ! YOU JUST REALIZED WHO THE REAL ONES ARE!" I think that is not only and awesome quote it is also true. I have several really good friends both on and off line that I have had many years, and they accept me just as I am and i accept them just the same. We may have some disagreements or arguments, but we do not let these episodes end the friendship. Real friends can forgive in time. Anyone who can never forgive someone that called them friend was not a real friend in the first place.


I wonder why people will do things that will make you think they care about you , and make you care about them, only to turn around and cut your heart out by shutting you out. I have had a few people in my life who have essentially ghosted me. Even when I see them in real life sometimes the reason they turned on me is not clear. Let"s take this girl I was very close friends with in high school. I was sick for a few day;s and when I came back she did not even want to talk to me. We used to pass notes all the time, and when I asked her why she said I knew what i did. If I had know I would not be asking. She never did tell me why she was mad at me. I know for a fact I did not do anything that should have caused her to turn on me like that.
The same kind of thing has always existed. Most of you know I had a friend about 4 years ago now that totally cut me off. The difference with that one is, I do know what I did that made her mad. It was a bad idea when I did it . and cost me more then I thought it would. She still has not spoken to me. Now I wonder if she was ever really my friend, or if I mistook her kindliness for a real friendship.
A real friend will forgive mistakes you make in time. A good example of that is a friend of mine that I had a fight with about 8 years ago. I deleted her from all my on line things, but I did not put her on ignore. One day about 6 months later she showed up where I was on line and said she missed me and wanted to know if there was anything she could do to get me to forgive her. Fact is I missed her and I told her how she could get me to forgive her, and she did it. I forgave her, and she and I are still friends today. True friends will forgive in time if they were real friends in the first place.
I recently found myself crying over another person I thought was my friend , that no longer considers me a friend. I do not know why I cried unless it was a present she sent me laying here on my desk by my keyboard. I look at it and realize she does not even say hi anymore, if I speak first. I had hoped we would get past it some day, but it hurts to realize that may never happen. The one thing I have learned is you can not make people like you, BUT other people can make them not like you if they push the right buttons.

i want to close with this thought I saw somewhere years ago: ANYONE WHO MAKES YOU CRY IS NOT WORTHY OF YOUR TEARS, AND THOSE THAT ARE WORTHY OF THEM, WOULD NEVER MAKE YOU CRY. I am trying hard to reconcile that in my head. Sad part is it is not usually my head that controls my emotions it is my heart, and when it is broken it is hard to see the logic in a situation.